Claim:
I really did a wonderful job in learning English in elementary school. Unfortunately, when I entered secondary school, aged 14, the fourth year of learning English. I did not know why I failed so many times in my secondary school English exams and tests.
Grounds:
I got a nice score in secondary school entrance examination. I entered a terrific secondary school and experienced a completely change of anything around me. I am new here, I can not be the firstclass students easily any more, I have to confront so many challenges that I have never met. I also have to discern that all my classmates are perfect students, I do not have any advantages in this new class. Actually, I need more time to adapt the new environment and acclimatize myself to the period of the transition from elementary school to secondary school.
Warrant:
I am not a stupid boy. I do not lack of any abilities comparing with others. I have strong basis of English. I also have the ambition to be the top student in any classes.
Backing:
After entering the secondary school, I do finish my homework on time, I do make clearly note in the class, I do review the topic and recite new words every day. To be honest, I pay much attention to my English learning. I know that confidence based on competence, I have the confidence to say, I can be the best. This school will not receive a stupid guy, I am sure that I can perform well and leave good impression on my teacher.
Qualifier:
Usually, it takes time for anyone to adapt the new environment. The only difference is that how long someone really need. To adapt faster, to perform better. I should take it easy because it is a common situation for any students. Certainly, we have to spare no effort to shorten this period as much as possible.
In fact, I think that personal experience, which is more objective, is harder to fit into that model, and your analysis may be further improved if you add in some statistics and fact (such as how many percentage of adolescence have problem during transition from elementary to secondary school). But, although your article doesn't fit exactly into the Toulmin model, your analysis is very compelling. We all need time to adjust for a new environment, don't we?
回复删除Hi,
回复删除Your argument presents a clear demonstration on how your get fit into a completely new and strange environment-your high school-and how you continuously improve your ability to surpass others. Compelling example! As I see, the grounds you provide well explain your claim, which is, why your failures in English took place the first period as you entered the secondary school. But unfortunately, there are some problems on your warrant and backing to fit into your model, I think. Rather than connecting your claim and grounds through a line, you focus more on your ambitions but not connection so that it may not chain your claim and ground in a natural way. Maybe it is better if you try to see that your thye level of your previous school is generally not as good as that of the new school.
Nice work! Have a nice weekend.
Best,
Xiangyu Chen
this is kind of some problems based on self feeling , i mean , you say you did a wonderful job in english in elementary school, however, there is nothing to be compared, so we don't know your "good" is how good. so coming up some evidence might be better.
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